“Hey, Trevor, can we talk?” I cautiously approached my slightly erratic boyfriend, who was doing pull-ups as always. It has almost been a month since I found out I was pregnant, and it was time to just bite the bullet and tell him.
“I’m a little busy.” He growled, slightly out of breath.
“I-I know, but it’s important.” I gulped. I knew this wasn’t gonna be pretty.
“Can it wait?” He was clearly irritated with my presence.
“No not really.”
“What is it?” He dropped down and swung around to face me.
“Ok, please don’t be mad.” I started, and he rolled his eyes.
“Just spit it out already!” He glared at me, making my heart sink. It hurt me, we used to be so happy together, and it was devastating that the thing that drove us apart was reuniting with my mom.
“I’m pregnant.” I admitted. I felt like I was gonna throw up, I was so scared.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He screamed, loud enough for the entire barn to hear. I buried my face in my hand and shook my head.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized.
“You should be! I can’t stand you anymore, and now you’re pregnant with my kid? You have to get rid of it!” He was yelling so loud I thought my ear drums would burst.
I snapped, even though we weren’t on good terms, I wanted to have this baby. This baby was my only chance to have a child, and I wasn’t gonna get an abortion.
“No way. I’m having this child whether you like it or not!” I screamed back in his face. I hated fighting with him, but I couldn’t let him treat me like crap.
“You can’t do this to me! I don’t want a child, especially not with you!”
“Why do you hate me so much?” I asked angrily.
“Have you ever even said you’re sorry? Have you ever even tried to apologize? I feel like shit, you got your family back and I had to watch mine get killed in front of my eyes! Do you know how terrible that feels?” He was yelling, but I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I said I was sorry you lost your family! I’ve said it a million time, Trevor! Do you want me to apologize for getting my family back? Because I won’t, that’s not my fault and it’s not something I feel bad about.”
“You should! You’ve always gotten exactly what you wanted, you spoiled little rich girl! You’ve always been handed everything you’ve ever wanted, it didn’t even stop when this whole mess started!”
“That’s not true and you know it! I had to give up my whole life, I barely have anything anymore! I’m not the spoiled brat here, you’re the one acting like a child. You’re pissed at me because I got something you wanted. That sounds like a spoiled brat to me.” I raged. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Had he always felt this way about me?
“How dare you!”
“How dare you. I haven’t done anything to you and you’ve been treating me like crap! I can’t stand it anymore, we’re over and I’m having this baby without you.” I screamed, finally ending it with him. I loved him, but not this version of him. The old Trevor, the sweet one who loved me back. The one who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That was who I loved.
“Fine, then I’m leaving. Enjoy the rest of your life, bitch.” He glared at me.
My heart broke as he ran out the barn doors. I didn’t expect him to leave. I thought he’d be around, I thought he’d see how happy I was with the baby and he’d change his attitude. But I was wrong, and he was gone.
My lungs felt like they were collapsing. Trevor had no where to go. He had no money, no family, no home. He was gonna die out there by himself. If he didn’t die of hunger or lack of shelter, then he’d get killed by wolves.
I shouldn’t have said the things I did. I knew I was going to regret them for the rest of my life.
It was only a few weeks later when Winter went into labor. Her screams of pain woke us all up, most of us too tired to react right away, but Mama Sue and Beatrice jumped into action and helped her deliver.
Zeus was born a few hours later. He was healthy, a little early but still healthy. Winter was ecstatic, it was too early to tell who his facial features resembled, but he had Mitchell’s hair. She said she’d never been so happy, this baby was a miracle. I was happy for her, even though I personally felt terrible. I hoped I felt this happy when my baby arrived.
Trevor had been gone for about a month and a half. I was devastated, he hadn’t come back and we hadn’t heard anything from him or any of Mama Sue’s contacts. Even though he hated me, I hoped he was ok. I hoped that there was still a chance that we could make up.
I sat on the couch with my mom, Winter, Beatrice and Naomi. Mama Sue had gotten a call, and stepped outside to take it. We all waited nervously, hoping for good news.
Things were tense, and everyone had been walking on eggshells around me since he left. I hated it. I didn’t want to be treated like a bomb that could go off any second. I just wanted Trevor back, no matter how awful he had been to me.
Everyone’s heads shot up as Mama Sue re-entered the barn. She looked upset, and my heart dropped to the floor.
“Who was it?” Naomi asked softly.
“One of my contacts from Twinbrook. They found a body, one of the people there recognized him. I’m so sorry Natalia, but Trevor’s gone.” Mama Sue was tearing up as she gave us the bad news.
I sank to the floor and wailed. Trevor was gone. I’d never see him again. I’d never apologize, and we’d never make up. He’d never know his child.
Had he thought about me before he died? Did he still love me? Or did he die hating me? Did he wish I was dead too? I would never know the answers to those questions.
I clutched my stomach and screamed, I wanted this to end. This was a nightmare I would never wake up from. The love of my life was dead, and we ended on horrible terms. Now, I’d forever be reminded of that because of the child growing in my stomach. I’d never be allowed to forget the mistakes I made and the person I hurt. I didn’t know if I could handle that.
I stayed on the floor, crying for what felt like an eternity. I mourned the loss of Trevor, and I mourned the loss of myself too. I would never be happy again, not after this.